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Monthly Archives: June 2010

Whirled News for July 1, 2010

One glance at current events provides a plethora of cornucopias of comedy gold. It also provides an mountain of motivation to pray for that planet-killing asteroid. Take your pick but, please, read this first if you choose the latter option.

The Oil Spill

What a disaster. Not only in terms of the destruction of the ocean and the murder of innocent creatures, but in its exposure of the greed and avarice inherent to humans. It is a grand showcase of our uncaring and selfish natures. Not just in terms of the greed on many levels which led to the disaster.

Everyone from top leaders to liberal Luddites are using this tragedy as political fodder. Reading BP’s web page you would think we should thank them for the great favor we have done them. Hussein Obama, our fearful leader, puffs and crows about his great efforts, blames Bush for making the disaster possible, and then goes golfing. And, of course, every SUV hating granola eater espouses going back to the horse and carriage and living in log cabins.

While every aspect of the this makes me ill, the one thing that bothers me the most is calling it a “spill.” Accidentally bumping a cup of coffee over is a spill. This is an unending eruption  of toxic effluvium spewing into a delicate ecosystem.

Or we could call it an oil-jaculation.

Not a Real <insert group here>

There is a group of Muslims wanting to build a mosque near the site of Ground Zero. Of course this is a political ploy and a grave insult to the Decent American People.  Their specious argument is that this is a “gesture of peace,” that the savages who murdered over 3,000 people were “not real muslims.”

This is another PC phrase of great utility. Rather than a group taking responsibility for the actions of their members, they simply say the ne’er do well is “not a real” one of them. This eliminates the need to expose themselves to bad PR by admitting that there are, let alone descrying, people in their group who are evil and bloodthirsty.  It frees them from the obligation to society to get the vermin out of their house. Most importantly, it keeps the group pristine and perfect while it seeks preferential treatment.

A priest who rapes an altar boy is “not a real Catholic.” Any man who has sex with a young boy is “not a real gay person.” Violent drug runners and gangsters that bring crime and violence over our borders are neither “real immigrants” nor “real Mexicans.” As you can see, using this phrase is verbal bleach; it immediately erases any stain on a given demographic.

Of course, like most PC horse crap, less favored groups cannot hide behind this phrase. You can’t claim the vehement racist is “not a real white person.” Everyone knows we are all racist. You can’t say the one right wing wacko who wants to kill everyone who eats granola is “not a real Republican.”

I really don’t mind this form of one way idiocy. It is just more proof that social debate in this country has two sides: valid argument and Pavlovian catch phrases.

Pigs vs Unicorns

On April 1st, a techie website, ThinkGeek.com, posted an ad. It showed a stylized can with a hunk of sparkling, somewhat dubious looking, meat. The ad contained the phrase “Unicorn, the other white meat.”

Follow along now. April Fools day, business that has no stake in the meat business, mythical animal, funny picture- who could not understand that this was a joke?

The Pork Council, which is suing ThinkGeek.com for trademark infringement.

You can hardly blame them. Who knows? Maybe there are unicorns in some hidden valley in Malawi. Perhaps someday they will be found out. We could discover that they are tasty but don’t clog our arteries with lard.  Let’s not mention that unicorns would be kosher so that market would get all the money the Jews have. Unicorn farmers could really bring home the bacon while pork producers would no longer live off the fat of the land.

The idea that our courts have so little to do that they would even entertain this lawsuit shows that this country is one flush away from going down the toilet.

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