Welcome to My Whirled

Pointing and laughing at life :Þ

Night of the Living Text

More and more of them are walking the streets while less and less normal people remain. Shuffling along unseeing, unaware, uncaring. They are living yet mindless. They are purposeful yet move aimlessly.  Their thoughts are in a far away place while their brains are numb to the reality around them. All semblance of their humanity has vanished.

I am not sure how it happened. It was what is called “slow creep.” This the idea that, if change is caused in small, nearly bits, it can go undetected by its target. It’s the whole “put a frog in water, slowly heat the water to boiling, and the frog die without even attempting to jump out of the pan” idea. We are indeed a society of boiled frogs.

Go back a mere 20 years in history. Home computers were just standalone toys. There were radio phones- not cell phones. They were the size of World War II walkie-talkies and were only used by the privileged few. Their true functionality was to impress the peons in public places. Ah yes, we came close to establishing the death penalty for Mr. Yelling on the Mobile Phone to Make Sure Everyone Knows How Important He is Guy.

Electronic thinking and communicating without wires was only for a few geeks and “gurus.” Everyone else got along fine reading books, listening to the radio and making calls on their home phone or, in cases of urgency, a pay phone. Children were raised, work was done, people were entertained. And they actually spoke to others so close  they could be seen! And without the use of batteries.

The people born then are still not old enough to buy beer yet look how things have changed. Everyone who is out of diapers has a cell phone. They are readily available, using them is cheap and, rather than being a status symbol they are necessary to avoid being branded a knuckle scraping Neanderthal.

Phones are not just phones anymore. They have mated with the computer and have become the wireless wires that are essential to take part in society.

They are “smart devices.” They are used to text, chat and check email. Some people archaically use them to talk although this has become as passé as sending a telegram.  They give access to the news, the weather and directions to any place on the globe. They grant the ability pay bills, store our tasks on a  to-do list,  and provide a calendar to remind us of things like paying our bills, taking care of the items our to-do lists  and updating our calendars. You can play games, tweet, write on your Facebook wall and send naked pictures of yourself to perverts in Canada. They wake you up with an alarm and put you to sleep with music. They can even provide sexual pleasure if you set them to vibrate, stick them in your pants and call yourself.

The technological marvel which is the cell phone is a such a boon to mankind that… we can only pray we survive. And that would be a desperate prayer.

Cellphones are the new drug. As widespread as marijuana and as insidious as cocaine, they are communicative crack

Think about it, what are the characteristics of a drug addict? They are dependent on their drug. They cannot live without out it. When the drug has worn off, they are frenetically desperate to find their next fix. They live a zombie existence focused on the high they are feeling and completely impervious to the world around them. As addiction is defined, it destroys relationships with friends, family and coworkers. In the end, an addicts hunger builds, they need more and more of the drug until they reach the point where it kills them.

What are the characteristics of someone with a cell phone? They are dependent on them. Should they misplace or forget their phone, it causes a wild panic. Of course, this rarely happens because they can’t put their phones down.  They carry them everywhere they go, the beach, business meetings, the gym, even the john. The reason for this is they need their fix. They go through a litany of checking email, posting to Twitter and Facebook and texting. As soon as they are done they cannot leave it alone for five minutes before they start the ritual again. Gods forbid they have to stop texting. It’s like pulling the bottle out of a hungry baby’s mouth.

You see wireless addicts all around you, walking through the streets and hallways holding their phones in front of them like a treasure map. All they are focused on is the phone, the phone. Nothing else around them matters. They bump into doors, walls and other people.

Next time you are in a public gathering place (if you can force yourself away from the phone) take a look at what is going on around you. Friends, families, coworkers, even people on dates ignore those they are with. Instead of talking and otherwise interacting with their companions, they are texting with a friend in Moose Ass Canada. Relationships are eroded to the point that they no longer exist.

Cell phone addiction has grown so nefarious that people actually risk and often lose their lives because of it.  Studies show that texters are twenty-three times more likely to get into an accident than a drunk driver.

What is the difference between cell phone addiction and drug addiction? Cell phone addiction is much easier and faster to fall prey to.

It’s legal, which removes all qualms about using cell phones from even the most upright and moral citizens. Because of this, both the phone itself and the service are much cheaper than cocaine. The cell phone dealers have driven down the prices to entice users and, once they are hooked, the dealers ply them with apps which increases the addiction and the dealers’ profits.

As a result of these factors, cell phones are ubiquitous. Grade school kids, hausfraus’ and even my own mother- who is about as technical as Og the caveman- have them.  It is a plague which is devastating our land.  It is destroying the minds of our children, eroding family values and taking lives.

Instead of jailing teenagers for having .0001 ounces of pot and doing anal cavity searches on law-abiding airline passengers, law enforcement needs to be concentrated on eliminating this monstrous evil that is among us. It is doing everything law enforce is supposed to stand against. I don’t have much hope this will ever happen. Every night I pass a traffic cop standing in the middle of a very busy 10 lane intersection…texting.

There is a simple and painless cure to this mobile misery. All we have to do is

Hold on, I just got a text


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