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Monthly Archives: August 2009

Low Society

We, as Americans, have become enamored of the idea that any subgroup of people (other than white males) is special. We have some visceral need to coddle them. Gods forbid someone says anything even the slightest bit negative about them.  Such critics will quickly be branded intolerant.

Get ready to brand me as intolerant. Because there are groups of people that irritate me. When I get irritated, you get to hear about it.


Let me clarify whom I am talking about. I understand that we are a melting pot. Once we got rid of those pesky Native Americans, people from many lands came here and built the American Dream. The Irish brought great whiskey. The Japanese introduced cheap cars with stupid names. The Canadians gave us…bacon that looks like ham.

There are still people who come here and assimilate, contribute and make our way of life better- like Charlize Theron. Then there are those who crawl over our borders like cockroaches. They leave their mud huts and ox-powered transportation to come here with no other intention than to suck the money out of us like ticks on a dog’s ass.

They don’t better our culture, they demand we adhere to theirs. They decrease the solvency of industry by forcing them to put 10 pages of instructions into 50 page manuals. They drag down our educational system by making American students to sit in boredom while a teacher tries to explain calculus to a kid who’s  native language has 23 words for “goat.” You can’t even stop for gas and a microwave burrito without having to deal with some hateful alien that smells like entrails and acts like he is doing you a favor by taking $5.oo for $.05 worth of beans in a flour shell.

The FBI ought to scan names in the phone book and investigate the ones that sound foreign. Those people should show a tax return to prove they are at least paying their way. If there is not one, they should be spray-painted bright orange and deported. The orange will help the morons guarding our borders to identify them.

Gay People

One’s sexual proclivities are one’s personal business. As long as it is consensual and no innocent gerbils are hurt, do what ever you want. It’s one of the few things I don’t have a problem with.

It’s a preference, that’s all. Claiming you are born with it does not make it special. Some people like liver, some people like puce and some people like using their personal plumbing for things it was not designed for. You don’t see me demanding special rights because I like licking peanut butter off my girlfriend’s ass cheeks. Of course, I am  just being illustrative.

Anyway, here’s a way gays might avoid being targeted for prejudicial mistreatment: don’t tell anyone! People who like being handcuffed and spanked by hookers in rubber masks have no problem keeping it on the QT. So gays shouldn’t either.

Gay people, if you really want to be accepted as part of society don’t march through the middle of major cities in a rainbow afro, Elton John sunglasses,  a tutu and a neon purple Speedo. That is really not going to help get you viewed as normal.


If you listen to their press, cops are the heroes of society braving streets more dangerous than Baghdad’s. They thwart nefarious criminals that would make James Bond cringe. They spend countless hours running evildoers to ground. They patrol our streets to keep us safe. If not for this thin blue line, our society would collapse into homicidal chaos.

There is less bullshit in an Iowa feedlot.

They don’t brave danger. They’re cowards. If there is a call about an old lady swinging a cane, they swarm in by the dozens with Kevlar armor, automatic weapons, dogs, Tazers and helicopters .

They don’t “protect” anything but our right to eat fresh donuts. All they do is show up long after a crime has occurred, fill out paperwork and wait for someone to call the tips hotline because they need money for more crack.

They are no better than the crooks themselves. They are thugs with badges who love to harass citizens for such horrific acts as sitting in their own homes smoking pot. To them it was a gift of the gods when they were given Tazers. Now they can bully, coerce and hurt people without causing permanent damage and having to fill out all that boring paperwork.

Did I say no better than crooks? They are, in fact, worse. Swarms of them will do 120 mph on city streets and cause an accident that kills 5 people just to catch a dangerous scofflaw who ran a stop sign. They will destroy someone’s house and shoot their dog then discover they were supposed to be on the next street over. They will even execute a handcuffed man in cold blood before a crowd in a train station. We have a whole set of laws just to control and protect us from the police.

We give badges, guns and authority to morons. Most of them were in the military because Taco Bell would not hire them. When the service could no longer find use for them, they became cops. No one has ever said, “Gee, I can’t decide between being a neurologist at John’s Hopkins or going to Cleveland and rousting drunks with shitty pants.”

Taking care of these groups of miscreants would be a start. Once we mop up the mess they represent, we can take out the other trash which litters our society. This would include such groups as parents, bleeding-heart Liberals and people who watch American Idol.

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