Welcome to the first edition of Various Miscellaneous Etcteras. VME was a term developed by one of my college friends to describe things that just don’t fit in anywhere else. I would be an example of one in terms of the human race.
This first edition is dedicated to my friend Deidre Smith. She has a funny name but she is a sweetheart who has been very supportive of my blog. And she has nice boobs.
So here are some random thoughts, mental burps and things my psychiatrist would have a heyday with.
I took a break from studying yesterday and needed some mindless entertainment. I decided to watch TV. A commercial came on for a company that makes food products from questionable animal parts. At the end of the commercial, the cast shouts “Go meat!” What exactly does this mean?
Since the commercial takes place on an airplane, my first thought was that it was meant in the same sense as “Go Greyhound.” Then it occurred to me that, while meat might be an effective means of transport while it was alive in the form of a pig or cow, traveling by dead muscle tissue would not be very efficient.
Them I considered that the message might be the same a s”go naked” or “go blond.” I have never judged others on the basis of their appearance and I can accept any fashion trend. However one could only use meat as fashion statement for a short period of time else you find you are “going salmonella.”
Maybe it was like “go girl” or “go team.” This expression is meant to encourage a person or entity to continue on a course to accomplishing an admirable goal. Meat is food. It is meant to be eaten and digested. Its final goal is to become…well something I don’t feel should be encouraged.
So I have decided that this is just another mindless, meaningless phrase typical of the kind used by advertisers. Phrases like “new and improved.” To be improved, it had to exist before so it can’t be new. And if it actually could be “new and improved,” what was it before, old and sucky?
I try not to think of the overall intelligence of a group of people who would spend money based on these kinds of vapid statements. Especially in terms of electing our leaders.
Look at it this way. Your boss pays you; basically keeps you alive. Your cat costs you money and you spend energy keeping it alive.
You bitch about having to take your boss’ shit. You happily clean up your cat’s shit and even give it stuff to make more.
Tell me who runs the universe.
Once a cat enters an animal shelter it has a 1 in 9,000,000 chance of being adopted. If you have room in your home and your heart, adopt a kitty and see for yourself how they inspire such love.
Pull My Finger
There is one word in our language which, all by itself, will make you laugh: fart.
When are we as a society going to embrace farts and admit they are a beloved part of our culture? They make a funny noise, they cause a bad smell- they are nature’s perfect entertainment! They even have their own genre of humor.
Oh yeah, some people want to act all disgusted and oh so above it all. They say those who exude gaseous effluvia are disgusting and should be ashamed of their depravity. Those who laugh are just as bad.
Uh huh. You people who claim to be anti-fart are frauds. If farts are so bad, why are you the first ones to point them out? You and your faux disgust and scrunched up faces. You want to laugh and you should do it. It is a very pleasant release.
Just like big fart.
Have you ever noticed that women don’t fart but often sit next to dogs who do?
Actually women can’t fart. They don’t shut up long enough to build pressure.
(Love you girls)