I am aware of the world I live in and that there are some things I just have to accept. Housewives on cell phones in giant SUV’s, motorized fat people blocking store aisles and having to beg to speak English are among them. Another of these things is poor customer service.
We all realize that, once a company has our money in its pocket, we become annoyances. In order to handle our or, more correctly, their problems, they have to pay “non-revenue generating” personnel. Greedy companies don’t like spending money so they try to minimize the cost of making you happy. They accomplish this by sending you to web sites, presenting you with phone trees that would confuse an ape and subjecting you to endless minutes of repeatedly hearing how important your call is to them.
Should you make it through this obstacle course that would make a seasoned marine cry, you have to talk about your complex technical or billing problem with someone who rode a goat to work.
I can deal with all this. I am tough and I see this it as part of modern life. What I cannot and will not tolerate is overt, inexcusable stupidity. It’s a thing with me.
I have often had to call one company in particular about their screw ups. As I told someone who works in their corporate offices earlier this evening, I would rather go to a cancer ward than call Sprint. I am sure this is exactly how they hope their customers feel. It keeps costs down.
The problem is simple. I have two cell phone accounts. At one time it was convenient to have them on the same bill. This is no longer the case. I don’t want anything for free. I a not asking for any special arrangements or world peace. I just want two separate bills to make accounting easier.
I have asked the insufferable morons at Sprint to do this no less than four times. Each time I was assured it would be taken care of. And every month the bills are still together. Today was the last straw.
Your call may be monitored to quality purposes.
Well that is certainly working well. I assume that is a one in a trillion chance as there is certainly no sign of quality.
“Thank you for calling Sprint, my name is Ethel. How may I help you?”
No, your name Prakhnakrishnamurti. That “English without an accent” class Sprint sent you to didn’t quite cut it. Per her request I told “Ethel” my tale of woe.
“I need your phone number, account number, PIN and answer to your secret question.” Am I trying to access nuclear launch codes here? It’s a phone bill! I gave them to her. “Thank you, how may I help you?”
You just asked me that! Did you even listen when I told you? You are going to make me repeat all of that? I knew it was fruitless so I told it all to Mrs Ghandi again.”Thank you, one moment.”
Twenty minutes later she comes back and says, “I have your account here.” Twenty minutes and that is as far as she got? Then comes the kicker “I need to transfer you to another department.” She had to hear the story twice and then take 20 minutes to figure out she could not help me. Thank you Sprint for valuing me and my time so little.
Do I even need to tell you what happened next? I got to talk to “Joyce,” another savage that was beating clothes on a rock just last week. She asks me for all of that ponderous access information. I asked her why she needed it again. Of course these monkeys are reading a scipt and cannot handle any deviation. All she could do was keep asking me again. I gave up. “How may I help you?”
Did Ethel not tell you what I needed?
Here is what happened. Ethel did not know how or want to deal with me. She did a “fake transfer” to someone else in the same office. Fuck me, I can just go through the whole song and dance again. She was probably late for her cow blood break.
Well I told “Joyce” my story- again- and after another interminable wait she advises me that, because of the kind of account I have, they cannot separate my bills. FOUR TIMES I called and FOUR TIMES they promised me they would take care of this and now they tell me they can’t. Funny, they can provide separate billing for their large (yet rapidly dwindling) number of customers but they can’t split two bills for me. Beyond that, they are too stupid to even know they can’t do it for me.
This company deserves its impending death for no other reason than the way it treats people. Look at all the lawsuits they have lost: age discrimination, stealing commissions from sales people, violating agreements with their smaller partners among them. I am originally from the Kansas City area so I know Sprint treats its employees like shit as a matter of policy.
And let’s not forget the thousands of customers Sprint canceled for “calling customer care too much.”
Dan Hesse loves to be in those self-aggrandizing commercials. He feels so philanthropic telling us how he wants us to have good, reasonably priced service and how he is working hard to make that a reality. Well here is clue for you Danny: How about treating your employees and customers like people? Whoa! Talk about a “nuke”!
Note: Sprint recently approached the government for one billion dollars in “bailout” money, even though the wireless industry is not foundering- just Sprint. I urge you to write your representatives and senators. Tell them you don’t want them handing our tax money to a company with a record of mismanagement trying to line its pockets.