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Pointing and laughing at life :Þ

(We Need a Cure for) Babies Got Backlash

My post “We Need A Cure for Babies” has created quite  stir. Perhaps even more than my post “Why the Mentally Handicapped Should Be Food Animals.” An outcry has arisen from around the world.  Comments and emails have come flooding in. I would like to respond to some of these.

NoLifeMom made the most obvious comment: You were a baby once you know!

Yes I was. However I have grown out of it. I can communicate clearly, I know the rules of decorum and I no longer poop my pants (at least, not when I am sober). Now you may argue that every baby will eventually do the same but our society does not judge us on potential. We have to prove ourselves. I can’t walk into a hospital and ask for a job based on my potential for becoming a brain surgeon. Babies should not expect special treatment. They should be subject to the same sanctions as anyone else who throws up on random strangers.

GrandpaSucks23 writes: What about old people? They drool, smell bad and make loud, inappropriate noises too.

Exactly and what do we do with them? That’s right. When they become socially unacceptable we store them away from polite company in retirement homes. We consider this to be the “best thing for them” so why is warehousing  babies so appalling? We do this to our accomplished elders so why not with the unproven disease vectors that are just one step beyond sperm? This is another double standard that needs to be rooted out of society.

WalksBowLegged has an idea: Babies should be born fully grown.

Yes we need more gigantic fat women sucking up all the room on airplanes. On the up side,  those postpartum vaginas could help us avoid a self-storage space availability crisis.

AmoebasRSmarter666 says: The problem is too much sex. We should have less sex so we don’t have to worry about babies.

I will be sending this individual the hospital’s bill for taping up my broken ribs.

Finally DonHoInOahu asks: Why fence off Hawaii for the Breeding Ground for Humanity? What will you do with the Hawaiians? Where will you get sugar and pineapple?

It’s about time you Hawaiians realize that you are Americans and start acting like it. Why should you live a lush tropical paradise when other citizens are forced to be in New Jersey? I say we move the Hawaiians to Wyoming. We have plenty of room for luaus there.

No one said anything about giving the breeding moms a free ride (ahem). They are not crippled or sick; they can get out and work. Did pioneer women sit around the cabin watching “Little House on the Prairie” all day? No, they chopped wood and rendered soap and did pioneer woman stuff. Let the moms take care of the sugar and pineapple.It will give them something to do besides gossip and talk about nasty gestating stuff.

I appreciate all of you who have written in. I hope I have opened up a dialogue which will bring the problem of babies out into the open. Just as we did mental illness in the 1950’s, we need to stop trying to sweep the baby issue under the rug of shame. Open acknowledgment is the first step to resolution.


2 responses to “(We Need a Cure for) Babies Got Backlash

  1. Johnny Rocket January 18, 2009 at 11:26 AM

    Wow, this is an amazing topic. I’m just against conception in general.

  2. SisterCrow January 20, 2009 at 4:41 AM

    Glad to see you are keeping up with your curmudgeonly ways. Personally, I don’t think breeders deserve Hawaii. Can’t we give them someplace less desirable? Surely there are other, less useful, islands that will hold them. Maybe send them to a fenced in area in Central America, instead. Give the little fuckers space to run wild, where there’s nothing to wreck. ::grin:: While we’re at it, make their caretakers get a license to raise them. Pay ’em like any other government job. If a kid turns out to be a serial killer or other criminal, penalize the caretakers, too, for not raising them right. Make unlicensed breeders pariahs and fine them heavily. Yeah! That’s it!

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